Natural Birth & Condemning Attitudes

I had an interesting conversation with a pregnant friend of mine about natural childbirth. She had come from a community where the general opinion was very pro-natural childbirth. My friend has chosen medicated hospital births for her three children, and has felt good about her experiences. She commented that the group of women she knew who "preached" natural childbirth carried with them condemning attitudes of those who chose medicated birth. The women presented their childbirth convictions with an air of "we know better than you", and left those opposing feeling inferior and pressured to be like minded.

My friend asked me why so many woman who practice natural childbirth carry with them an air of condemnation towards those who may not desire the natural route.

I thought about this for quite some time. First of all, is what she says true? Do many of us, who practice natural childbirth, have condemning attitudes towards those who don't think like us?

Of course I can't point fingers or speak for the masses, but these lofty airs are often put out by any passionate person who believes deeply in a cause or idea. However, sometimes these lofty airs are only perceptions, usually because the idea is so foreign or opposing to our own. It is normal to talk about what we care for. We talk about our kids, whatever fills up our days, and hopefully, our faith. When you learn about natural childbirth, the ideas are exciting and inspiring. What do we do when we're excited and inspired? Talk and talk and talk. When we find a group of people who hold to those same exciting and inspiring ideas, the talking only grows. It is easy, in these situations, to forget that not everyone around us is on board with our ideas. We can easily assume that because we are flying high on information, everyone else is as well. This is the perfect storm for spewing our passions on everyone else around us, allowing both condemning, or seemingly condemning thoughts to be spewed as well. With natural childbirth specifically, one is usually completely sold and committed to the idea. This full blown commitment can add extra fire to our childbirth conversations.

Regardless of how passionately I believe in natural childbirth, I would never want to burn bridges or hurt friends who do not hold the same passion. Is having an unmedicated birth the only way? No. Our culture allows us the option of choosing our approach to birth.

Here's the way I see it:

I do not think a woman is less of a woman or a bad mother for choosing a medicated birth. I do not think I am more of a woman or a better mother for choosing an unmedicated birth.

I do, however, believe in the value of natural childbirth for both baby and mother. Taking responsibility and actively participating in childbirth is an amazing gift and a rite of passage for any woman blessed enough to give birth.

I hope that whenever the subject arises I can keep the conversation just that, a conversation, free of passing guilt or condemnation. I think it is of great importance for women to continue the conversation of childbirth active. It is how we learn and understand the significance of childbirth on our lives as beautifully designed and empowered women.

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March Marks the Spot

March, 2011, marks the spot for activity, fellowship, and exhaustion. The month is all wrapped up and I am beyond tired. Maybe due to the fact that I am in my 35th week of pregnancy and chasing after a curious one year old. Also, this month brought both travel and a household of guests. I loved opening our door to our two visitors, my mother-in-law and best friend.
Karen (or Nona, as she is called by her grandkids) joined us at home after we all met up for a weekend trip in North Carolina. (I can't believe I live within driving distance to North Carolina! Crazy!) We had a blast watching my brother-in-law Trent play baseball for his college team, as well as catching up on some quality family time. While Karen visited, we took a day trip to New York City. It was so cool to see the sights again!

My best friend since I was 12, Maria, sacrificed her spring break to visit our crazy home and to help change diapers and organize closets. We have always had so much fun together, and this visit was no exception. Rafferty loved having her around, too!
My baby boy turned one year old this month. Surreal? You bet. We celebrated with a fun party of friends, dinner, and cake. I had a lot of fun being a birthday-party-mommy for the first time. I chose a color theme of red, yellow, and green for the decorating. Only after the streamers were hanging did I realize our apartment looked like a tribute to Jamaica . . . oh well. :) The cake proved to be my loftiest challenge as I am quite unexperienced in the whole cake arena, but I was pleased with the overall outcome of my first birthday cake.

Rafferty had his first taste of sugar and no surprise, loved it! Unsure of how to tackle the massive thing, he went for it face first after a few finger-fulls of frosting.

Dustin and I gave him his first piano as his gift. The little Mozart composes something new for our enjoyment every day. The party was a special time to celebrate my beautiful son's first year. Dustin and I are finding so much joy from being his parents. Rafferty is truly a delight.

Our second baby is stretching his (or her) limbs and taking up every bit of available space inside of me. I am often finding myself with a poor attitude, complaining about how uncomfortable I am. I can't breathe, I'm fat, I'm itchy, I'm tired, I'm fat, I can't sleep, I'm fat. You know, the common complaints. Just to shut up and give thanks for the gift of pregnancy is becoming difficult for me. I pray I can enjoy these last weeks and be quick to rejoice rather than have a disgruntled heart.

Disciplines, particularly my daily reading, has been the hardest thing to maintain throughout this action-packed month. I would love to write summaries of the two books I've completed, but to be honest, I've only partially completed both of them. I hate that I didn't reach my goal, but I will not beat myself up over it, as long as I keep going.

March marks the last month I knew I wouldn't be having a baby. Oh boy. (Or girl!) Time to turn on the "Rocky" soundtrack and get pumped!

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A Blessed February

February, the month of love. I love my husband, my sweet baby boy, my growing belly, and my family. I love my faithful friends and the unexpected. February gave me a good dose of each of these things. Reflecting on a month gone by sincerely moves me to worship God. He is full of love, showering me with undeserved good things.
It is only fitting to dedicate the month of love to Chipotle, the restaurant that makes our hearts overflow with affection. Dustin's business card was displayed as a "winner" for a free burrito on a special night the restaurant hosted for the university. We enjoy nights out as a family of three while we can. My unborn baby's first word will be "guacamole".
I am so thankful for a healthy, and can I say beautiful son! He is learning and growing so much these days, it is often hard to keep up with him. His favorite activity is reading "Clifford Visits the Farm". He "reads" it to himself, flipping the pages and speaking his own language. Dustin and I take turns reading it as well, and we have mastered our "clucks", "moos", and "baas".
February brought a new baby! Not mine, thankfully, but my big sister Rachel's. She beautifully delivered her second son, Aaron Isaac, on February 22. Although I participated in the birth via speaker phone, I desperately longed to be a part of the excitement in person. I told Dustin how I wanted to be there with my sister, mom, and new little baby so badly. So my wonderful husband sent Rafferty and I on a plane the next day for a spontaneous trip to Iowa. I was blessed indeed by quality time with the people I treasure. I soaked up the company of my two best friends, Maria and Kim. My life has been shaped and made rich by these two women. I am so thankful for their friendship.

My sister makes perfect babies. Little Aaron is tiny with a precious cry. His big brother, Adam, is possibly one of the sweetest toddlers I've known. He'll do great with his new addition. I was blessed by the time spent with my sister. Sisters are gifts! It is hard to be so far away from mine, and I love any face time I can get.
Yes, I know, let's all point and laugh at the pregnant lady eating the giant pickle. I didn't consider the humor of this situation until strangers at the Amish market literally stopped, pointed, and laughed . . . I just wanted a pickle! Here at about 31 weeks pregnant, I am entering the "holy cow, I am huge" stage. Baby Dos is growing beautifully. As best as I can remember, the karate and tap dancing are much more forceful this time around. Is this a foreboding sign as to my baby's personality? I don't have to wait too long to find out!

I loved this past month. I pray my whole self may be overwhelmed with the love Christ first showed me.

February Reads:

The Ministry of Motherhood

by Sally Clarkson

Sally Clarkson challenged me beyond my heart for motherhood in this book. She looked deeply into the relationship between Jesus and his disciples, how he taught them and lived with them. Focusing so intently into the ministry of Jesus stirred me up . . . I was truly shaken and left wanting a deeper relationship with my Lord. How important to study the gospels! She shared how her own dedication to mothering has been shaped by Jesus' ministry, and the blessings that have resulted from her faithful application of the gospel to her children's daily lives. I will re-read this book and recommend it to any mother who desires the gospel to be the center of both her life, and the lives of her family.

The Maker's Diet

by Jordan Rubin

I am greatly enjoying the world of natural health. It has become an area where I want to soak up as much good knowledge as possible. I believe it will bless my family with good health through my homemaking responsibilities. Ultimately, I believe God cares how we treat our bodies and our approach to food. I want to please him in all things, even with how I eat and care for my physical body. The Maker's Diet uses the Bible as a rule book for how we should approach food and health. To sum up my reading experience, I found it very interesting and informative. It is certainly a solid resource for me regarding natural health, one I am glad to have invested time in. However, I found the "diet" part of this book to be extreme. Jordan makes the assumption that if you are reading his book, you'll probably be ready to commit to these big changes and make some radical commitments to living by The Maker's Diet. Personally, the changes I make need to be baby steps, one at a time. If I want any changes to stick, I cannot overwhelm myself with huge sacrifices and turning all of my family's dietary habits upside down. The more I learn, the more responsible I am for making the appropriate changes to better my health. Picking and choosing one reasonable application of newly gleaned wisdom at a time is my game plan. The Maker's Diet overwhelmed me, to be quiet honest. But I will gladly pick it back up from time to time as I am ready for my next baby step toward living a natural and healthy life.

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"Do Not Be Anxious About Anything. . . including grocery shopping."

What is the opposite of a "type a" personality? Whatever it is, I'll bet it labels me quite accurately. Sometimes, to my fault, I don't set goals, make lists, or have routine. Often, I won't even allow the weight of life's bigger issues or events to take full affect. Having two babies in fourteen months? No biggie. Moving across the country? Sounds good. My nature is to go with the flow and let it all roll right off my shoulders. Most of the time.

The one thing that makes me shake in my boots and shiver with anxiety is . . . grocery shopping. Ridiculous, right? I know. Something about the parking lots, the check-out lines, the knowledge of no matter how closely I follow my list I will still forget something, make me dread the most basic of errands.

Since moving out east I have explored each major grocery chain, hopeful one will feel "like home". It has not been so easy. Perhaps my expectations are too high or maybe I'm looking for something that does not exist. The weekly trip has become so much more of an "event" than necessary. I have to give myself a pep-talk and prepare myself for walking down the aisle of canned foods three times before I realize the tomatoes are two aisles over. Good grief.

The Bible tells me to not be anxious about anything, but rather, to pray. And Jesus himself tells his disciples that the Father already knows our needs and to seek his kingdom first. Worry and anxiety do not belong in the Christian life. It may seem an insignificant or silly struggle, but God can faithfully use my battle with grocery shopping to expose and rid me of sin in my daily living. I am thankful for yet another opportunity to learn from the seemingly mundane activities of being a homemaker.

I think I'll challenge my "type. . . non-a" personality and make a pro and con list of the local grocery stores. After all, we have to eat!

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January, Jizmejian Style

Rafferty is such a good eater! Apparently, I am not such a good feeder . . . missed his mouth once or twice?

Here I am with "Baby Dos" at 27 weeks.

My favorite and I with rich European drinking chocolate in downtown Philly.

The view from our kitchen window after a huge January storm.

Rafferty found his feet this month! Now just to let go . . .

January has come and gone. And true to its nature, it brought its share of snow and sickness. But God brought us through a couple killer rounds of colds and several weeks of snowfall. We started our month in Iowa, where we spent some much needed time with my family and friends. (The trip out west taught us that traveling with a baby takes a lot of work . . .do vacations exist when you have babies?) We enjoyed a quiet month, for the most part, as the dorm in which we live was a ghost-town for Christmas break.

As I wrote previously, I've resolved to turn off the t.v. during the daytime hours. Although this has not been an easy habit to develop, I am very encouraged by January's results. I have been able to reach my reading goal. Our home is in better order, ushering in an atmosphere of peace and calm. I've even managed to keep our bedroom tidy (a monumental accomplishment for me).

We have been attending a church throughout December and January, and are loving both the services and the body of believers. This is a great blessing as I was growing weary after months of visiting different churches.

Pregnancy continues to be a joy and I am thankful for each kick and nudge. I am already gearing up for the third trimester! Wow! Rafferty is a little sponge, taking in everything around him and babbling every waking second. His first tooth just broke through, much to his (and our) relief.

Goodbye, January! Thanks for the strong start to 2011!

January reads:

Marriage to a Difficult Man

by Elizabeth Dodds

A wonderful biography about Jonathan and Sarah Edwards. I enjoyed learning more about early America, as well as Jonathan Edwards himself. Sarah Edwards was such an amazing woman, wife, mother, and disciple. Her outstanding character shaped the character of each of her 11 children, who in turn helped shape our nation.

Heaven

by Randy Alcorn

This book directed my thoughts and heart toward the reality of Heaven. Alcorn has amazing insight (all from scripture) as to what Heaven will be like. He paints beautiful pictures that brought me to tears with anticipation.

The Hunger Games, Catching Fire, and Mocking Jay

by Suzanne Collins

My mother-in-law introduced me to this action-packed fictional series. I found each book to be a page-turner and I devoured them within a few short days (needless to say those were not the days I was most productive . . .). I don't want to give away any of the plot, you will have to read them for yourself!

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Baking Bread and Other Failures

I had the wonderful idea of baking fresh bread to go along side our soup for dinner. I found a recipe titled "Easy French Bread". Perfect!, I thought. It says "easy" in the recipe's name, so I should be able to whip out a nice, hot loaf without a problem. I carefully followed the directions. My final result: something sortakinda resembling a loaf of bread . . . but definitely not bread.

And I must admit . . . this is not my first attempt and failure at the bread baking business.

(Apparently I may be "killing the yeast"? Who knows . . .)

Nothing is worse than feeling like a failure. I try something that is designed to be "easy" and fail miserably. All throughout adolescence leading into adulthood, I have found myself desiring perfection. I should be able to reach success without complication or struggle. Struggling can feel embarrassing and shameful.

I am quick to compare myself to others, wishing I had their gifts and abilities. I too often overlook the specific and wonderful ways the Lord has gifted me. Sadly, this focus on self-perfection leads me away from a thankful and content heart. Be it in baking or other goals, failing is not fun. However, I know a change of attitude will transform how I fail. Stop whining, figure out why I failed, have a sense of humor, give thanks for the opportunity to learn, and prepare to try again.

Missionary Lilias Trotter said, "Take the very hardest struggle in your life, either inward or outward, and expect God to triumph victoriously in that very spot. Just then can he bring your soul into blossom."

My fear of failing and my drive for perfectionism does not please God. If I can daily surrender these struggles, He will faithfully grow me and renew my soul. How cool is that!

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Using the "D" Word: Turning off the Tube

I've been struggling with the "D" word for as long as I can remember. The "D" word, of course, is discipline. I can beat anyone at finding excuses for living an undisciplined life. My list of excuses includes:

• I am a free spirit. Living with routine, order, and daily ritual goes against how God made me.
• Discipline= boring.
• I like to leave room for the unknown in my daily life.
• I have time to grow into a disciplined life when I get older.

Each excuse is invalid. While God made me a "free spirit", he is also the Creator of order. His word speaks numerous times to the value and need for a disciplined life. My personality may factor into how I pursue this disciplined life, but it may not excuse it away.

Having discipline amidst my daily living does not have to be boring. Also, being disciplined does not mean I cannot be flexible to whatever unknown event may show up that day. The excuse of waiting till I am older no long stands because I have arrived to that place of "older". Yes, I am still young, but I am now an adult. I am a full time wife, mom, and homemaker. This lofty job requires a lot of discipline if to be done in excellence.

So now that I have faced my fears and uttered the "D" word, it is time I take action. My first step towards living a more disciplined life is turning off the television.

TV is my old friend. I love flipping it on, surfing from one station to the next. I watch any program that may peak my interest, from design, cooking, style, games shows, crime drama, whatever. I can unwind and be mindless in front of the TV. I don't have to do anything but sit. I love to sit.

So what's the problem?

The days I have the TV on, almost nothing gets done. Time slips away as I think, "just one more episode . . .". Suddenly, my bedtime has come and gone, I have dirty dishes piled up in the sink, clothes in the dryer, and clutter in the living room. By watching TV, books go unread, projects untouched, and often, my sweet son is left to entertain himself without much care. To put it plainly, TV has become the biggest time waster in my life.

The choice to turn off the TV is my most crucial step to living a disciplined life. I am now free to do what matters. I can pursue what has lasting value. My mind is also much more free to think on Kingdom matters, rather than being filled with images often sexual, violent, or materialistic in nature. Commercials are also problematic for my eyes, lying to me about what I simply cannot live without.

My husband and I have discussed some guidelines for the TV:

• Avoid all daytime TV. This allows me to have full, productive days. Also, Rafferty benefits from not thinking TV watching is the norm. We hope to raise our children with a love for reading and using their imagination. Although the television offers programs geared towards aiding in these things, we prefer to go the old-school route of straight up books and make-believe.
• Avoid channel- surfing. This is to help me only turn on the TV if I have a free evening and a specific show in mind.
• Remember Psalm 101:2-3a. "I will be careful to lead a blameless life- when will you come to me? I will walk in my house with blameless heart. I will set before my eyes no vile thing." What I see with my eyes affects the condition of my heart. As my heart belongs to God, it is crucial I protect it and keep it blameless. Watching many TV programs and ads can easily fall under the category of "vile thing(s)".

"Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth." - Proverbs 10:4

It is my hope that as I turn off the television, my hands will be diligent to work hard and produce an eternal wealth.

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