Dustin and I were excited to finally enjoy a movie together. We had decided on Disney’s Secretariat, a family film about a famous racehorse and his housewife owner. We were let down by the acting and undeveloped plot line (it paled in comparison to Seabiscuit), and I left the couch that night bothered as if a pesky fly had managed its way in my ear. The movie had had a message. The message was true to today’s common view on motherhood, womanhood, and the significance of it all.
Without spoiling the movie’s entire story for you (I wouldn’t recommend it, anyway), allow me to lay the scene:
Housewife and mother of four, Penny, had just lost her mother. Her dementia ailed father and family horse farm was left for her to manage. Penny’s childhood love for racing horses was rekindled while she managed the farm, and she decided to raise up a winning racehorse just born. The horse farm, located in Virginia, kept Penny a far distance from her husband and children, who lived in Denver. The story of horse training, cunning business skills, and the usual ups and downs that make up a movie continued, but I couldn’t help but be overwhelmed with the “hidden” message running through the script.
Penny was depicted as one to be held in the ultimate esteem. Her choice to sacrifice three years of raising her children for a horse was heroic. She would proclaim, that like a racehorse, she had to run, race, and win.
In one bothersome seen, she was home for the weekend talking with her obviously neglected husband. An eavesdropping teenager heard her mother reflect on all of the sacrifices she’d made to have a family, now just having to go forward what was in her to do. This same teenage daughter was throwing herself into the world of hippies, an impressed upon adolescent, in desperate need of a steady mother’s influence.
Just as you thought that maybe Penny’s desire to win was motivated by love for her ailing father, we were reminded of her personal desire to win and have her own way in this world.
The Penny-praise acclimated when her husband, who had “taken sides against her” throughout the film, came around and tenderly shared with her that she had shown her daughter’s what it means to be a real woman.
I gasped.
A real woman? To abandon your husband and children for three years to chase after your own desires? To be so dissatisfied with the daily duties of being a housewife, that you willingly trade the hearts of your children for momentary gain?
In the film (based on a true story) her four children remained unscathed by her neglect. Her hippie daughter followed her heart’s desires, which is pronounced right above all. The film even declares that Penny lived “happily ever after”.
The fly in my ear, the question I couldn’t ignore was, would Penny have been less of a real woman had she chosen to stay devoted to her family alone? Would her steadfastness to her commitment as a housewife been insignificant, making her life trivial and forgettable?
There is tremendous value in womanhood and motherhood. It is with sadness I see our culture, often through media, contort motherhood into a job for the week, boring, and uninspired. God has designed motherhood for the strong, adventurous, and creative! Media tells us it is a real woman who aspires to something greater, God gives us opportunities to serve wholeheartedly, hard work and life abundant, for His glory and the lasting benefit of our children.
I understand there are those who are unable to be home with their children, stuck in jobs for pay check’s sake. But choosing our own ambitions over guiding and investing? As mothers, we have opportunities to incorporate our passions into our homes and everyday lives. Must we be taken away from our families to pursue the “could-haves” and “would-have-been’s-if-it-weren’t-for-these-inconvenient-kids”?
Oh, Media! See the significance of a mother!
...They (mothers) have been maligned, goaded, blamed, and ridiculed in recent years, but most have stood their ground. Quietly and confidently they have continued to love and nourish their children and prepare them for a life of service to God and to mankind. There is no more important assignment on the face of the earth...
-Dr. James Dobson, his book dedication to mothers in “Parenting Isn’t For Cowards”
Thank you for posting this!
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting, Ruthann. I agree with most of what you said - you're right that media does not seem to value motherhood. However, you wrote, "I understand there are those who are unable to be home with their children, stuck in jobs for pay check’s sake. But choosing our own ambitions over guiding and investing?" and I'm not sure I agree that it's that black and white. IS it always wrong and selfish for a mother to pursue something outside of the home? Will that ALWAYS be a detriment to her family? Are there any situations in which her pursuing something outside of the home could actually ENHANCE her role as a mother?? I agree that working outside of the home full-time if the income is not needed would definitely short-change a family. However, take me for example - my heart is so for counseling others, to be involved in the process of God breaking the bondage in their lives. Yes, I can use some of that in the investment of my childrens' lives ... however, I also have a huge heart (God-given, I believe) to invest in the lives of younger women in the counseling sense. I now have the opportunity to possibly pursue some counseling at FRAC and love the idea of helping the Body in this manner. If my husband, who doesn't have a traditional schedule, can be at home with our kids while I counsel just for a few hours/week (or even if he can't and a friend watches our kids), does that make me selfish? B/c counseling is so my heart, I almost feel restless if I am NOT doing it. I know I must check my motives and make sure I am not being selfish, but I now believe that being involved in other womens' lives in this capacity actually makes me a BETTER wife/mother b/c it allows me to fully live out who I was made to be. I know the counseling will look differently as I have small children and will probably change as they grow and so want to ask God how/if that should look right now. Anyway, I understand your points about the movie and the msg. it conveys, but I think we need to be careful about being black and white about the issue (which you maybe were not being; maybe I just received that msg. wrongly from your writing). I will stop this short story now. :) Thanks for writing on such important things.
ReplyDeleteDawn, thanks for taking the time to comment. Your comment shed light on how black and white I wrote on this post... allow me to share more of my heart on the issue.
ReplyDeleteI wrote "But choosing our own ambitions over guiding and investing?" What I want to emphasize is the OVER in that statement. I think that by becoming mothers we are accepting the responsibility of raising and investing in our children. I think the problem shows up when we place the ministry of home and children second to our own desires, even those we know are God given.
I can see how not every passion/desire can be fully lived out at home with our kids. I know I'd most likely take the opportunity to be involved in the arts again if it presented itself, as you are with counseling. I don't think that makes either of us selfish (hence where my post came out too black and white). The issue is the heart and the time. I'm more concerned with if we are choosing out of the home things to get us away from our kids or because we see more value in any other ministry than the one God has literally birthed into our lives.
Overall, my point is that the home ministry is of upmost importance. Motherhood is an often overlooked gift, and I fear that chasing whatever else we feel led to, good or bad, INSTEAD of or OVER ministering to our children could end with lost children and missed blessings.
Again, thanks for your comment. :) I will be mindful of black and white comments in future posts.
I want to say, first of all, that you are a lovely writer and obviously very passionate about your family. But I also have to say, I am thoroughly offended by your post. I think it's pretty presumptuous to even say that Penny chose her own ambitions over her family/gift of motherhood. If you want to teach your children what a real woman is - show them a woman who is passionately willing to make sacrifices and pursue what she was called to do. For you, that's being with your family full time, for Penny and a lot of other women, that's pursuing something outside of the home. Either way, I'd rather have a mother who was following her heart than sitting at home, trying to raise me, feeling resentful about it and keeping the world from what she was made to offer.
ReplyDeleteI also don't actually think motherhood is portrayed poorly in the media. I think you're saying that because it doesn't always reflect what you, and apparently Dr. Dobson, feel is normal. I think there are great examples of mothers in fiction and reality - Lorelai Gilmore, Michelle Obama, Laura Bush, Indira Gandhi, Carol Brady, Angelina Jolie, Celine Dion, Mary Kay Ash, Kara Goucher, Marge Simpson, Clair Huxtable, and the list goes on and on.
The real problem, is the general devaluing of women as a whole, not just mothers. Women don't make as much money as men and are scrutinized more heavily for every choice they make - just ask Sarah Palin and Hilary Clinton about the last election. In my experience, the church is just as guilty of this as media. I left Reign because after being with them for several years, I was always expected to let The Man lead. My last year, in Nepal with you, I was asked to subtly train Dave and Matt, as it was their first time leading the team. Wouldn't it have been more honoring to me and the other women on the team, to actually have me lead, instead of pretending to be the assistant and not hurting their egos? I don't want to be too harsh here, but I feel your quickness to judge the heart of Penny, or women doing things differently than you do them, is just perpetuating the bigger problem. I would encourage you to look outside your personal opinion and acknowledge that just because a woman doesn't do things the way you would do it, doesn't mean she is devaluing her role as a mother or a real woman.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I hope I don't offend you. I just felt like I had to say something. I think you have a great heart and are intentionally pursuing being a good woman. I wish you all the best in your journey. (my comment was originally too long, so I had to double up).
Ruthann,
ReplyDeleteI was on facebook when I saw a post to your blog. Naturally, I was curious so I began to read. I've been reading for over an hour, near tears because God has been using these messages to confirm in me so much of what He is teaching me.
You see last year, I was challenged by God to quit school. It was at this time that God had started to impress on my heart what I really thought of a housewife in comparison to His thoughts toward them. I thought it was "a job for the week, boring, and uninspired," as you so boldly put.
For weeks I argued with God. Searching desperately for scripture that would support my desire to pursue my career and education, or anything that would be outside my home. I must confess, I was a little bewildered and frustrated when I searched the word and found nothing supporting this lifestyle.
I found examples from woman in scripture, or in clearly written text that said the exact opposite of what I was hoping to find. Deborah, Priscilla even the Proverbs 31 woman I found weren't very valid supports for my career oriented woman. Deborah, a judge, was in a time of non-normative situations (Judg. 17:^; 21:25). Everyone did what they pleased during these times. I mean, the whole point of the book of Judges was to illustrate what happens to people when they abandon Gods law. Then there was Priscilla, who I was always told but apparently is not, a business woman. She had a job, helping her husband from home. And finally, the proverbs 31 woman: everything that she does is in her home or for her home. She never had a job outside of the home! This completely blew my mind.
I never found a single bible verse that commanded woman or endorsed woman to be careerist or breadwinners. The more I searched, I found there are quite possibly hundreds of verses or examples in the word that exhort woman to be child-bearers, child-rearers, homemakers, submissive wives, have good management of home, to be charitable with their home and table, and so on!
All this to say, God has taught me so much and continues to confirm it through others. Thank you so much for sharing and being bold in Christ.
Blessings, Cassandra
P.S. Whenever my ex would ask why I don't want to be a working woman I tell him that after the fall God cursed woman by giving her labor pain and cursed man by making him toil the earth. So, I said I would work if he would take on the labor pain! One curse is plenty for me. ;) And to be honest, I think we get the better end of the deal. Homemaking is more challenging, offers more creative opportunities and is more fulfilling than any job could ever be.